Meaning

Drew, one of the things your birth and eventual passing has brought to the forefront of my mind is the concept of meaning. Somewhere far behind the decisions people make and the actions that follow lies meaning. Some people spend their days and nights engaged in activities with little (or no) true meaning. These people are similar to dogs who endlessly run in circles while trying to catch their own tail. The meaning behind their action is nothing more than perpetuation of action...but in the end that action has no deeper meaning. Others select their pursuits by carefully considering the associated meaning before any action is undertaken.

Over the past days and weeks my  mind has repeatedly been called to find the meaning behind your birth and death. Was your short life here simply Heavenly Father's action for the sake of action? I mean, were you sent to our family simply because you needed to get a body at the same time that we were trying to have a baby? Or did you coming to us have a deeper, more profound meaning? As I have contemplated and prayed about this I've found that (as described in my last letter "Reminders & Preludes") the Holy Spirit often takes hold of my mind and leads me very deliberately. Please allow me to explain some of the deeper (almost 'hidden') meaning behind your inclusion into our family:

As I'm sure you've realized by now, neither I nor your mother are perfect. We are human: subject to all the temptations, weaknesses and follies of the flesh. Neither of us are as patient as we should be and we both have individual weaknesses that extend much further. Probably the greatest mistake either of us has ever made was giving birth to your sister before we were married. Despite this serious transgression, however, we've worked endlessly throughout the ensuing years to walk the long and lonely road of repentance. We've both sought the Lord's forgiveness personally and collectively. We've both faithfully served in church callings. We've regained our standing within the church and been sealed in the temple. And we've tried to raise our family in a way that is pleasing to our Father in Heaven. Yet the lagging question that has always plagued me was never knowing if our efforts had earned the Lord's forgiveness. I mean, at what point do our efforts rise to the level of acceptability to the Savior (keeping in mind that while we've walked the road to repentance we've continued to be imperfect).

As the Spirit has taught me, your admission into our family is an indication from God that our efforts at repentance have been accepted. This is because God would not choose to send such a choice and valiant individual (you) to parents who had a cloud of sin and transgression hanging over their heads. Instead, God needed to send you to a family who had a clear understanding of (and an abiding faith in) the Plan of Salvation. Anything less than this would have resulted in keeping you here on this earth past your time. This is because a great deal of faith would be necessary for your parents to let you go while knowing that they could keep you here if they chose to do so. In other words, whomever God chose as your parents needed to be faithful, worthy, and willing to subjugate their own wants to the designs of our Heavenly Father's plan.

Apparently God viewed your mother and I in this light, and as a result we were given the blessing of having you come into our family. This is tremendously meaningful! Not only does it mean that our repentance has been accepted by the Lord, it also means that you weren't given to us by chance (it wasn't simply matching a need with an availability). Rather, your birth into our family was carefully planned and delicately orchestrated. The meaning of this was seared into my heart as your mother and I attended the temple just days after your passing. As we sat thru the endowment ceremony (and later in the Celestial room) I beheld very clearly that your birth into our family was made possible by all of the work and perseverance your mother and I had demonstrated since our initial transgression. As such, we could now have full confidence that our efforts had been deemed sufficient and that the atonement would be applied to make up any remaining demands that Justice would require. I also felt very distinctly that if you mother and I had not been so faithful (if we had not served faithfully in our callings, or if we had not so diligently sought forgiveness, or if we had not sought to raise our children righteously) that we may have lost the blessing of having you join our family. In this way, your birth was almost a type of reward for our faithfulness.

I want you to know how blessed your mother and I feel to have known and loved you. As we wrote in your eulogy, we both fully believe that we will be very humbled when we are finally allowed to behold your full spiritual stature and character. You were so righteous in the premortal existence that no test of your faith was necessary in this life. Coming to this earth was simply a formality for you...a means whereby you could gain a body and thus check earth life off of your list. Nothing more was necessary. Meanwhile your mother and I remain here on earth still trying to work out our own salvation. We are forced to deal with the disappointment, deception and cruelty that mortal life inevitably brings. The challenge we now face is to live worthily so that we may one day achieve the level of righteousness you've already attained. For only by so doing can we be rejoined with you and come to know more fully who you are and what you are like. We are committed to achieving this objective, whatever the cost.

Thus you joining our family holds powerful meaning from our past, in our present, and for future. It means that our past efforts have been accepted. It means that our current trajectory is in line with God's plan. And it defines the meaning that will fill the rest of our lives. Truly, the meaning behind your birth and death could not be more significant!

With Love,
Your Father