I have a few extra minutes on my lunch break, so I thought I'd write a few lines to you son. It's probably not the best idea I've ever had, primarily because crying at one's desk during lunch tends to make coworkers edgy. But I'm going to do it anyway...
Can I just start by saying that I miss you? Things just aren't the same without you here. That may seem obvious, but your mother and I lived with Alexis for nearly five years before you were born and we were perfectly happy then. Sometimes I wonder why we can't just default back to that time period in our lives. If the three of us were happy then, then the three of us should be able to be happy now. Right? The logical person would think so. But it doesn't work.
I've contemplated a lot (unendingly) about why this is so. What I've come to realize is that having you become a part of our family changed us, all of us, permanently. Your birth expanded our horizons. Your presence enlarged our understanding of happiness. You added another dimension to our family that we hadn't experienced before. After you came into our lives our joy deepened, our hopes grew and our capacity to experience love grew exponentially. It may sound strange, especially considering that you lived with us for only three months. But I think it speaks volumes. It shows that you were so special to us that you invariably changed each of us in a profound way in a very short period of time. We had so much love for you that it changed and transformed us in ways we hadn't foreseen.
Now that you're gone, it seems impossible to return to the way were before you came. We can't just erase the past year and continue on. And even if we could, none of us would want to. We cherish the memories we have of you. We treasure each moment we were able to spend with you. Even though reliving those memories is painful, we will never relinquish them because they are all that we have left of you.
But without you here things are just so different, and not in a good way. It seems as though life has lost its luster. We can't seem to find true joy in anything. Anywhere we go, any activities we engage in, any people we spend time with...seem so hollow. We seem to always have your absence in the forefront of our minds. The only solace I can achieve comes in my quiet moments of prayer or scripture study when God reassures me that His plan is unfolding and that 'all is well' (as the hymn proclaims).
Please remember how much you mean to us. We would give anything to have you back with us. But we are trying our best to press forward with faith in our Father's plan. And we are trying to honor your memory.
Love,
Your father.
Can I just start by saying that I miss you? Things just aren't the same without you here. That may seem obvious, but your mother and I lived with Alexis for nearly five years before you were born and we were perfectly happy then. Sometimes I wonder why we can't just default back to that time period in our lives. If the three of us were happy then, then the three of us should be able to be happy now. Right? The logical person would think so. But it doesn't work.
I've contemplated a lot (unendingly) about why this is so. What I've come to realize is that having you become a part of our family changed us, all of us, permanently. Your birth expanded our horizons. Your presence enlarged our understanding of happiness. You added another dimension to our family that we hadn't experienced before. After you came into our lives our joy deepened, our hopes grew and our capacity to experience love grew exponentially. It may sound strange, especially considering that you lived with us for only three months. But I think it speaks volumes. It shows that you were so special to us that you invariably changed each of us in a profound way in a very short period of time. We had so much love for you that it changed and transformed us in ways we hadn't foreseen.
Now that you're gone, it seems impossible to return to the way were before you came. We can't just erase the past year and continue on. And even if we could, none of us would want to. We cherish the memories we have of you. We treasure each moment we were able to spend with you. Even though reliving those memories is painful, we will never relinquish them because they are all that we have left of you.
But without you here things are just so different, and not in a good way. It seems as though life has lost its luster. We can't seem to find true joy in anything. Anywhere we go, any activities we engage in, any people we spend time with...seem so hollow. We seem to always have your absence in the forefront of our minds. The only solace I can achieve comes in my quiet moments of prayer or scripture study when God reassures me that His plan is unfolding and that 'all is well' (as the hymn proclaims).
Please remember how much you mean to us. We would give anything to have you back with us. But we are trying our best to press forward with faith in our Father's plan. And we are trying to honor your memory.
Love,
Your father.
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